A Reckless Runaway Read online

  She had tried to care for this man. She truly had. But in the past month it had become perfectly clear how impossible that would be. Since she met Ellis Maitland, with his big laugh and certain words and seductive smiles, well…it had been perfectly plain to Anne that she could never be happy with the Earl of Harcourt.

  And now she was just a week away from her wedding and the crushing weight of all of it rested heavy on her chest. Heavier still when she thought of the letter she had received from Ellis that very morning. A shocking, impetuous letter where he declared he couldn’t live without her and asked her to run away with him.

  He would be waiting for her that night, hoping she would escape and be his.

  She could almost see his words dancing before her and her eyes blurred with tears at the choice they represented. A life led with honor…or one with at least the possibility of love and passion. Certainly Ellis Maitland was an adventure to be had, if nothing else, as opposed to the years of mundane indifference she was sure to face with Harcourt.

  “May I fetch you something?” Harcourt asked, interrupting her thoughts.

  “Hmm?” Anne said with a shake of her head. “No, no thank you.”

  He stared at her a moment, and it was almost like he was seeing her for the first time. Then he turned his face. “This is our future, Anne,” he said softly. “This wedding and the marriage that will follow is what we planned and what we must do. For propriety’s sake if nothing else.”

  She wrinkled her brow at his…well, it was almost an admonishment. She folded her arms. “I am well aware of what propriety dictates, my lord. You and my father have made it very clear.”

  She waited for him to respond to her statement. To show her any emotion, anything at all. Instead he inclined his head and said, “Good. I’m glad we’re both clear. Excuse me.”

  With that he pivoted and made his way across the room to where her sisters were standing together. He left her alone, and for a moment she saw the entire span of her future fold out in front of her. Alone, if she remained here. She would always be alone.

  But if she went with Ellis… Certainly she liked him so much. And he liked her—more than liked her, if his passionate letter had been written with any truth. He was fun and they would share a life of laughter.

  Wasn’t that the better of two evils? To choose a life with any kind of happiness over one so empty?

  She gasped at breath as the thoughts overwhelmed her. The room was busy, each person in conversation with another, and she took the opportunity to rush to the door and sneak away. She stumbled through the fine corridors, ones that would be hers if she refused Ellis’s offer of escape. He would ask her only once, he said. Wait for her only once.

  If she didn’t go tonight, she would be forced to embrace this life.

  There was an open parlor door at the end of the hall and she fled to it. She raced to the settee, threw herself onto it and flopped her forearm over her eyes as the reality of her situation washed over her in great, unfightable waves.

  What could she do? What should she do? To abandon her engagement was a terrible thing, especially so close to her wedding day. Harcourt would be damaged by the scandal, something the man avoided at all costs.

  Worse, her own family would also be harmed by her escape. She wasn’t so selfish to not be aware of that. Thomasina and Juliana, her beloved sisters, would be painted with the same brush she was. Reckless. A bad bargain. Their being triplets was already seen as an oddity, a mark against them on the marriage mart.

  Could she hurt them like that to avoid her own heartbreak and misery? Could she?

  Before she could think of an answer, she heard the door to the parlor shut a second time. She froze, praying it wasn’t Harcourt come to find her, or her father to harangue her about more wedding details. Mr. Shelley had delighted in managing this whole affair from the beginning. Certainly he didn’t care about her happiness. He never had.

  “You need to stop feeling this!” the voice of the person who had entered the room said. Anne realized it was her sister, Thomasina.

  She sat up, distracted from her own worries by the sound of her sister’s panicked tone. “Stop feeling what?”

  “I, er—” Thomasina murmured, gaping at Anne like a fish that had been flopped out of the water. “I didn’t—”

  “Oh gracious, you are turning purple!” Anne said, getting up and crossing the room to her. She caught her hands and drew her toward the warmth of the fire. At least here she could help someone, even if it wasn’t herself. “Take a breath, Thomasina, before you fall over! I’m certain whatever you are feeling, it cannot be so bad as that.”

  “You would be surprised.” Thomasina shook her head and sucked in a few breaths. “Wait, what are you doing in the parlor? I only just saw you at the luncheon.”

  Anne swallowed hard. She hadn’t realized she was being watched so closely in the other room. And Thomasina and Juliana were very good at reading her. It was a triplet matter. Could they see her panic and misery? She hadn’t told either of them about her feelings or about Ellis. She was too afraid.

  “Oh, I needed a moment away from it all,” she said, waving her hand as if none of it were that serious. “I swear, ever since we arrived weeks ago, it’s been one thing after another. This never-ending march to my doom.”

  Thomasina shook her head slightly as Anne paced away so her sister wouldn’t see the truth in her eyes. “Well, it is your wedding celebration, isn’t it? You must have expected there would be much to do.”

  “I suppose,” Anne said, plucking at a loose thread on the back of a chair on the opposite side of the room. “I just thought it would be more…more fun. There has only been one fun thing here and it—”

  Anne broke off. God, how she wanted to tell her sister everything. She wanted to weep into her shoulder and beg for help. For an answer she couldn’t find herself.

  Thomasina stepped in her path and caught Anne’s cold hands in hers. “Dearest, I realize that marrying must be a rather overwhelming idea. After all, it is pledging your life to one man for the rest of your days. But you will be happy. Harcourt will make sure of it.”

  Anne shook her head as the desperation became too much to bear. She had to tell Thomasina some of it. Just some of it. “Oh, Harcourt! Harcourt, Harcourt. That I would marry such a man as that.”

  Thomasina drew back and her shock was evident. “What—what do you mean? A man such as that? What is wrong with the earl?”

  “He never smiles, Thomasina. Never! And laugh at my quips or jokes? No! He only stares at me like I’ve carried something unpleasant into the parlor.”

  Thomasina opened her mouth, but Anne couldn’t stop now. It was as if the floodgates had opened and she could do nothing but spill out her heart and her blood until she was empty, depleted.

  “His finances must be in a terrible state,” she continued, “even worse than rumor has named, for he is always hunched over some ledger, utterly distracted. He likes the country over London, so that means I shall be forced to stay here on this dreadful estate with him and his mother, who always seems so nervous and never meets my eyes. Almost as if she has something to hide. Probably that her son has dead wives stacked up in some locked room somewhere and I shall be next.”

  Thomasina straightened and a rare flash of anger flared in her green eyes. “Anne, that is ridiculous—you’ve been reading too many French fairytales. Harcourt is a good and decent man and to accuse him, even in jest, of something so terrible is not right.”

  Anne tilted her head and stared at her sister. Thomasina was very defensive of Harcourt. But then, she always tried to see the best in people. To please them. Anne could admit she had used that desire against her sister a few times over the years.

  Not her finest moment. But extremis malis extrema remedia, wasn’t that the saying? Today was her most desperate hour. And a rather desperate plan was starting to form in her head in response.

  She pushed it away and sighed. “You are right, of course
. Harcourt is nothing but decent.”

  Thomasina let out a huff of breath. “You say that as if it were a curse.”

  “It’s just so boring!” Anne said, flopping back on the settee. “My life will be endlessly, ceaselessly, lovelessly boring and I shall wither up and die from it.”

  Thomasina’s lips parted as she sat down on the edge of a nearby chair. “You really think your marriage would be loveless?” she asked. “You don’t think you could come to love Harcourt if you tried?”

  Anne froze. She had always imagined she would make a love match. She’d read many a romantic book to prepare herself for that moment. She’d looked forward to it.

  And yet here she was. And she couldn’t love Harcourt. Now, granted, she hadn’t had the thunderstruck feeling she’d expected with Ellis either, but at least he sometimes made her stomach flutter when he looked at her a certain way. That was something.

  She peeked over her arm at her. “And you say I read too many fairytales! What one have you spun for yourself about my future life with this man? That I will find deep and abiding love for him hidden somewhere in the larder?”

  “You could—”

  “No, my dear,” Anne interrupted. “That will not happen. And I am not the problem. I have love and passion to share in abundance. The problem is him. He is…he’s incapable of love, I think. He’s made himself so cold to the world, so dedicated to propriety and naught else, that he could not allow himself to melt even a fraction for any woman. And that is what terrifies me.”

  There. She had said the words out loud, shocking as they were. She had said them and now they hung between her and her sister. Hung in the air where they made her tremble in pure anguish.

  She would never love Harcourt. And she didn’t want to marry him. Which left her with Ellis and his shameless offer to run away with her. The best option. The only option if she didn’t want to be truly miserable for the rest of her life.

  Thomasina was quiet, just staring at her for what seemed like an eternity. When she spoke again, her tone was gentle. “Anne, you may be correct that Harcourt’s nature is not the perfect complement to your own. Father should have thought of your temperament before he made the match, but your engagement has been announced, the bannes read, and your wedding is happening in a week’s time. There is no other answer than to make the best of it.”

  “No other answer,” Anne repeated softly. But she knew it wasn’t true. She did have another answer. Another option.

  “I wish for your sake that there was, for I hate to see you so unhappy and so certain that your future will be bleak,” Thomasina continued. “But I do believe that Harcourt is a good man. And if you were just to…to try a little, perhaps you would find more to connect yourself to him than you think. In time you might even be happy with him.”

  Anne sat up slowly. Here was Thomasina telling her that she wanted her to be happy. She didn’t understand the truth of what would bring that outcome, but Anne would take that permission regardless. Only she needed her sister’s help.

  “Perhaps you are right at that,” she said slowly, being purposefully vague. Thomasina would never be a willing partner in what she was about to do. Nor should she be. There would be less trouble the fewer the people who knew her plans. “Perhaps I should regroup and make the best of it.”

  Thomasina nodded, though her face was pale and a little sad. “It’s for the best, I think.”

  “I only need one thing to do so,” Anne continued, hating herself as she said the next words. “One little favor from my best and truest sister.”

  “What do you need?”

  “A break,” Anne said, clasping Thomasina’s hands in hers. “Oh, Thomasina, how I need a respite. Since we arrived it’s been hectic, and perhaps that’s part of why I feel so overwhelmed. But if you could just help me take a little time away, I’m certain I could return to my duties refreshed and ready for my future.”

  “A break?” Thomasina repeated in confusion. “What do you mean?”

  This was it. Her last chance to stay the course. To keep her promise. Anne drew a long breath. And then she made her choice.

  “The ball tonight. I cannot face it in my current state. But if you were to take my place—”

  “Anne!” Thomasina gasped. “You cannot be serious!”

  “Why not? We have traded in the past!”

  “The last time we did that we were fourteen,” Thomasina said. “And the larger problem is that tonight is the final ball to celebrate your engagement. It is the ball to introduce you to the society of Harcourt. It is important to your future.”

  “It is,” Anne agreed with a nod. “Can you imagine my partaking in my current state? I am in no condition to do so and make a good impression. But you could easily—you have always had more tact that I have.”

  “The cat has more tact than you do!” Thomasina interrupted, and Anne flinched even though she knew that observation was probably true. “Anne, this is ridiculous.”

  “It is only one night.” Anne let her voice fill with true desperation. “Please, Thomasina, I am begging. I am pleading with you. I need your help—will you not provide it?”

  Thomasina stared at her, and for a moment Anne let her true feelings show. Thomasina wouldn’t understand them, but she would recognize Anne’s fear and pain and desperation. She would want to please her, to soothe her, to fix her. Her sisters had always been better people than she was. What she was about to do proved they always would be.

  Thomasina let out a long breath. “Do you really think you will feel better if I grant you this boon?”

  Anne nodded. “You would be saving my very life and ensuring my future.”

  Thomasina stole her gaze to her clenched hands in her lap. Her expression was unreadable as she pondered the shocking request. Anne held her breath, waiting for the response, waiting to know if her life would be saved or if she would be condemned to an eternity of emptiness.

  At last, Thomasina cleared her throat. “I-I would do it if you think it would help.”

  Anne let out a yelp and launched herself from the settee and directly into Thomasina’s arms.

  “Oh, Thomasina, yes! Yes, you would be helping me more than you know.” She kissed Thomasina’s cheek hard and squeezed her. Then Anne stepped back and looked her up and down as the pieces of a plan came into her mind. “You will pretend a headache, that will be your excuse for not joining us and why everyone will leave you alone tonight. Your maid won’t help us play this trick—she’s as concerned with propriety as you are. But that’s fine. You’ll just sneak through the adjoining door from your chamber to mine and I’ll have Nora assist. My maid has more discretion, after all. But we cannot tell Juliana. God, she would ruin everything!”

  Thomasina nodded, her gaze cloudy and unsteady. That look gave Anne pause for a moment, but she pushed it away. Yes, she would hurt her sisters with her reckless decision. But wouldn’t they also be hurt by watching her in misery for the next forty or fifty years of her life? Wouldn’t they rather she be happy in the long run?

  She’d find a way to make it up to them. She had to. Later. Once her future was set.

  Chapter 2

  There was a light knock on Anne’s door a few hours later, and her heart jumped as she smoothed her gown and called out, “Come in.”

  She expected Thomasina to enter, so they could prepare for the ball tonight, but it was Juliana who entered instead. Her sister paced into the room and looked around with a frown. “About to ready yourself for the ball tonight?” she asked.

  Anne followed her gaze to the red ball gown she had laid out across her bed. The one she would never wear, probably never again. She felt a little regret about that, but not enough to keep her from her plans.

  “Er, yes,” Anne said, glancing at the door with worry. If Thomasina came in, Juliana was too sharp-eyed not to recognize something was going on between them. And then Thomasina would succumb to overly active honesty and everything would be ruined.

  Jul
iana stared evenly at Anne. “I’m worried about you,” she said softly.

  Anne jerked her gaze back to her sister. “You are?”

  Juliana nodded. “How could I not be? Your unhappiness is…well, it’s obvious.”

  Anne blinked. “I-I suppose it has been.”

  “And yet you haven’t turned to me.” Juliana clasped her hands together, fingers stroking each other in a self-comfort she had done since she was a child.

  Anne bent her head. It was true. She hadn’t turned to either of her sisters with her feelings or with her connection to Ellis. Neither one of them would understand. She had always been the wild one, the naughty one…even the bad one. They were good.

  “Have you lost all faith in me?” Juliana whispered, her tone taut with fear and hurt.

  Anne gasped as she moved toward her sister. “No! Of course not. I could never lose faith in you, Juliana. It is far more likely that you would lose faith in me!”

  Juliana shook her head. “You think I would? I could never. Please, won’t you let me help you?”

  Anne hesitated, and in that moment she wanted to tell Juliana the truth. Just as she’d longed to tell Thomasina the same. But then she thought of her sister’s response. She knew Juliana wouldn’t approve of her running away. She would feel responsible, she might even try to stop her.

  Anne drew a shaky breath and then took her sister’s hands. “You cannot help me. You’ll understand soon enough.”

  Juliana pursed her lips. “You mean when father matches me with my own unwanted husband.”

  Anne shuddered. They were all so powerless to their father’s whims. It had always been a shared terror between them. Now it was coming true. Except she could stop it. Perhaps her scandal would even help her sisters in the long run. If their father couldn’t benefit from their matches, he might allow Juliana and Thomasina to marry for their hearts.

  And then her running away would be almost noble. Not selfish.

  “You should go ready yourself,” Anne said with a quick kiss to Juliana’s cheek. “I promise I’ll be well and happy tonight.”